That was not a try.

I was not supposed to fall in love. I just was always saying it to my friends and to myself. Do not fall in love, do not fall in love. But I did.I am warm. I am heart. I need hugs and I need sex and I need to feel passion in this sex. So how could I avoid fall in love if he give me what I needed, what I still need and he offers give it to me again?

I know its just I crush right now. But I know that it will be real passion if I keep doing and I know that I need to do again. He is not just somebody. He is interesting, he is fun and make me laugh. He makes me moan. And I keep thinking about him.

I did not planned have sex or sleep with him but I did both. What touch me more was not the sex (the real good sex) but sleep. We are supposed to fuck and go back home, do not we? Sleep together turn the things deep putting feelings on that. And I keep wondering how he feels about it and how much are he thinking about me. He wants me to stay again, I know that.

I do not want broken my heart and I do not want be alone. I want him, oh yeah I do. I want he soo much that burns inside. I still can feel his touch and it makes me sigh. Can we just play again? I just want to pretend that he is mine, and keep doing that until he really be mine.

He is not what I was looking for, but I do not really care. God keeps sending to me things that I never think about and he is always right and making me feel great, then now I just will enjoy and let the things happen. I just will keeping beeing myself. I will love stay with a person that likes the person that I really am.

Now I am listening to musics that he sent to me and is really good to write and to thinking listening to this. No words. His musics seldom have lyrics. I want to write his name. I want to say it, I want so whisper as a moan then maybe he can feel what I have inside. I will just lay in my bed, close my eyes and remember. Just go down my sheets and think about him. And I do not care.

I just feel good now.

Daí ele disse que ele não me reconhecia.
Que eu mudei assim que cheguei.

Alguns ex-namorados sabem exatamente o que fazer pra tirar o seu chão.
Estavamos bem! Sim, estavamos. E ele veio e quebrou isso. Pra que?
Ele me deixou abandonada no meio do mar.
Protegida e sozinha.
E eu resolvi sair.
Só sai.

As coisas mudaram tanto.
As coisas continuam mudando.
E eu sinceramente não sei o que fazer.

Eu sempre soube que ele era uma corrente. Eu sempre soube que eu gostava de ficar presa.
Me fazia bem e eu precisava disso.

Agora me sinto perdida. Todos os planos se foram, todas as vontades, todas as certezas.
Eu não posso e nem quero ignorar o quanto ele mudou minha vida.

Mas agora...
Eu...

First try

She was not really sure about what she was going to do. I mean, she knew that she was going to have sex with that guy that she met in the day before, but she was not sure about why. She only knew that she should do that. Then she went and did it.

He was not in the Station yet. She waits. He arrives. An akward hug. “Americans don’t know how to hug”, she thought. They just started to walk, talking about nothing really interesting. No one mentioned it, but she knew why she was there and so did he. But she had never done it before. She wasn't sure about him.  And now she is pretty sure that don’t want to do it again.

They had sex. Well, he had sex. She just… Had a experience. A weird and new experience. You know, people can judge her because of it, after all girls are not supposed to have sex with guys that they don’t really know. But she feels good. No about the sex (the sex was terrible), no about the guy (the guy was a jerk and she would never text him again). She just felt good because she wanted something and she just did it, without worry about.

Is not like if I am saying: Go and have sex with a stranger, it's gonna change your life!... But it will. You can feel good, you can feel bad. You can find the love of your life or maybe just a good fuckbuddy (lucky girl). Or you can just feel bold and free to do what fuck you want to do. Your mother probably won’t like it… Her mother don’t care too much (she is a little bit crazy). And it's not like she will tell her mom anyway (weird topic to talk with your mother).

Anyway. That was not about the sex. It’s not about the sex. It’s about life. It’s about live!

Go live your life the way you want. You can regret, sure. Fuck regret about things you did.

Revised by Nicolle <3